


ocean

by Starbuck09256



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Fluff, MSR, RST, Some angst, milargo, post ep, season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27266704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbuck09256/pseuds/Starbuck09256
Summary: post milargo feelings scully pov
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	ocean

He's been extra sexy lately. His hair is just the right length again and I've seen him staring at my lips more. Fuck Padgett thinking that he understood me. Did he get the superficial dana right? yes. 

But not Scully the woman I have become under Mulder intense gaze and mindful love. Mulder has shaped me so much in these last years it is even more terrifying to admit. Mulder has crashed through my stone walls as if they were made of thin paper. He's ripped off the bandages that I so carefully crafted around my heart. His hold on me is deeper than the ocean. I don't mean to say that I have been made of malleable clay. I haven't, for I have years of dealing with men who are very smart and attractive. But Mulder is and always will be different. He doesn't highlight tears as weakness he doesn't think that fear is silly. He sees those emotions for exactly what they should be seen as. Real, important and the strength that it takes to admit them? An intelligence beyond comprehension. 

When I was dying of cancer I told him how afraid I was and he held me and told me that he had that same fear. Not the fear of the how or the after but the fear of believing that there is nothing beyond. It was so consuming to him that he would spend all night in my hospital bed holding me and telling me about various religions afterlife. He talked about us being reincarnated and maybe then he would finally see what he was meant to. He would be free to pursue his own interests and not just feel such a compulsory guilt for spending a second on anything other than answering what happened to his sister. He wonders now if the woman he met was really even her and if it is and she would forsake him for own happiness. 

He isn't happy, neither of us are. We sit alone at home waiting for the other to call, but instead of staying up all night and sharing stories we seem to argue about the mundane. Its like a bitter marriage that lacks sex as a peace offering. I wish we could just have sex. I wish we could use it as a way to burn off the tension that is suffocating us every single day. I sit on his couch while he packs a bag. He is undeterred in his resilience. I sit in his old oxford sweater. My blood soaked bra and shirt in a plastic bag that forensics took an hour ago. How I have not a single scratch on my chest but matching blood seeping into the fibers of my clothes I have no idea. And yet it still isn't even the most unexplainable thing I’ve seen. He grabs a few files on his desk and throws them in. Sprinkles fish food and comes to me leaning down and touching my cheek. It is now that i realize that these gestures have never been just for me. He needs this too, this reassurance of my eyes locking on his. He needs the way my cheek shifts so in his palm.

Padgett shook him, in ways that I’ve never seen; this level of protectiveness wasn't just run of the mill. It was jealousy. Now as he reaches for my hand helping me up, I see that Padgett saw my love but he missed Mulders. Mulder drops his bag and wraps me up in his arms. We stand like that for a long time. His head is buried next to mine. His hands warm and large on my back. His touch is so calming. As if the angry waves of the world in my mind and body are suddenly still. Mulder is like a wind that whispers into the air and everyone is stunned into silence. He is like the first sip of coffee that touches your soul and gives you strength for the day. Finally after probably 10 full minutes he pulls back his hands cup my face and I smile a bit sadly into his hazel orbs, as small ripples of the sea find their way back into my existence. 

He leans forward slowly as if he is suddenly skittish that I would be frightened of the one man who has protected me with such devotion. His eyes move back and forth begging me to tell him to stop to place my hands on his chest to turn my face from his gaze but instead I do neither. I lean up to him on the tips of my toes as I nudge my nose against his still unsure both of us but then his lips start to caress mine softly slowly. Like when you barely put a toe in the water. A tentative sip for a fear of being burned too often. But I'm not afraid of this, of us. I'm not scared of his driving passion because it has engulfed me in its flames so long ago. I'm not frightened of his touch, his love. My shaken illusions are of the future, of the consequences. But as his hands slide into my hair. My fear has bloomed into something far more stable, more beautiful than I think words could encompass. As we finally break for breath, his arms once again slide around me pulling my body flush against his. 

"I'm in love with you." His voice is small like a child who is terrified of being reprimanded for his ability to love. 

I choke back a sob. Caress his face with my palm scraping slightly across his stubble. 

"It was probably the only truthful thing Padgett said or wrote. My love for you Mulder. I've been in love with you for so long. I don't even see other men in that way. Just you." I look up and smile at him. 

He nods hugging me closer. 

"I..uh..feel the same and I am sorry if Diana or anyone else has ever made you doubt that." 

He looks at me now with eyes of regret. But I am so very tired of that look. I let my hand roam into his hair scraping my nails along his neck to pull him back down to my lips. Finally we are under the waves floating blissfully under the water and exploring the legends and mysteries within ourselves.


End file.
